I posted an Instagram story and asked how you connect with your name?

The response was mixed.

“As I’ve got older, I’ve disconnected more from it. I feel “mum” took over and I’ve embraced it”

“Actively dislike – made fun of at school and it’s ruined it for me”

“Hate it!”

“I looked at the etymology of it and found the beauty in it”

Our sense of self and identity is formed in what we are called, this is not necessarily our legal names but our given names.

Our name is more than a word, it holds power, it evokes a feeling, a sense of belonging (or not), it enhances self-esteem or erodes it (in the case of the above), it is the gateway to social connections. Psychologically, neuroscience shows that hearing our name activates the brain uniquely, affirming that we are seen. We know that mispronouncing or forgetting names can make people feel invisible, undervalued, or ignored.

Names are important

We may represent different things to different people, sometimes our names may be intertwined with our role (mummy etc.) but other times they represent a part of us, a memory, for example a nickname from a particular person or time in our life.

Maybe we have great achievements, grown and developed our personality forged through the challenges we experienced whilst using that name.

The Marriage

Traditionally when a maiden is married the family name is taken - the step from maiden into mother. I found the initial change to my married name difficult too, historically the practice has patriarchal roots.

During medieval times women lost legal identity upon marriage, where she became her husband's legal property. The name change solidified her transition from her father’s protection to her husband’s control. This did not sit well with me at the time. However, like the majority (about 90% of women in England) I went ahead and took my husband's last name despite in not actually being a legal requirement and continued this medieval practice. If like the 90% you do too, then as a woman you have a maiden name and a married (family) name.

The Maiden

As part of the Goddess trinity, the Maiden represents the youthful, growing phase of life. As an archetype the maiden is the independent, untamed, energetic young woman, distinct from the maternal or crone aspects of the Goddess. She embodies innocence, independence, and the awakening of creative power.

The Maiden archetype represents youthful innocence, independence, curiosity, and new beginnings, embodying a free-spirited energy focused on self-discovery. She resides at the threshold of life, representing the "becoming" phase—a person, not just an age, that stands between who they were and who they are becoming.

From a Jungian perspective the Maiden is essential to the process of individuation. She is the catalyst for growth, representing the promise of future wholeness. Her story is about her transformation—moving from protected innocence to embracing the complexities of life.

The Mother

The Mother embodies the matured, creative power of life, associated with the peak of adulthood, acting as the bridge between youthful potential and elder wisdom. She is the manifester, responsible for taking the creative potential of the Maiden and bringing it into reality. A maternal figure, compassionate, yet a powerful protector.

The Mother archetype, a fundamental pattern in Jung's collective unconscious, represents unconditional love, nurturing, fertility, and protection. It embodies the nurturing divine feminine, aiming to support, care for, and foster growth. While providing safety and life, this archetype holds dual aspects, encompassing both the caring nurturer and the overwhelming or “devouring” shadow side.

Names maiden, mother and the wild woman — The Divorce

Twenty years later, I find myself debating my name again, this time due to divorce. I'm not alone, stats show in the first half of 2025, there were almost 38,000 divorces and projections suggest around 42% of marriages are likely to end in divorce. With this in mind, when I started the divorce process the question of my post-marriage name came up. Would I keep my married name or return to my maiden name? I wasn't sure.

I loved the idea of reclaiming my maiden name, and reconnecting to that part of me, the undiagnosed ADHD and hormonal chaos that was my teens! But as I had been married longer than I wasn't she felt a bit alien. Yet, I couldn't let her go, I loved the idea of doing something positive with her - some inner child stuff lingers for sure.

Equally, I felt couldn't fully let go of my married name, she has done a lot - she's really been through it! She's the mother energy. She birthed the children I longed for, who also share the name. She returned to school, growing, learning and has worked hard for her academic and professional achievements. She has created an authentic identity and sense of being, so I didn't want to let that go either.

It felt like a tricky one. I took a while reflecting and exploring my feelings around it. This time I spoke to my children, we shared our thoughts and came up with a plan.

The Wild Woman

This is where I now find myself, she represents the untamed, instinctual, and authentic self, acting as a deep force of nature that defies societal conditioning. Associated with intuition, creativity, and the "Life-Death-Life" cycle, that feels so fitting for my situation.

I’m embracing the wild and opting for a merging and reconnecting.

She acts on intuition rather than societal expectations, connecting humans with their inner power. She stands against the "good girl" narrative, pushing for autonomy and individual expression even when it's uncomfortable or challenging.

While sometimes deemed chaotic or dangerous by societal standards, the Wild Woman is viewed in Jungian psychology as necessary for reclaiming wholeness.